


This Is Why We Need Therapy

by asingerofsongs, MayGlenn



Series: Stars and Skies [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Also They Are Generally Precious Fluffballs, Asexual Rey (Star Wars), Chess, Chocolate, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey, Finn Is Not A Prize To Be Won, Finn Is Wise Beyond His Years, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Invitation To A Threesome, Jealousy, Jello, M/M, Nightmares, Pansexual Poe Dameron, Poe Doesn't Get Rey, Poe's Hair Kink, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rey Doesn't Get What's So Hard About This, Therapy, Uncle Chewie, Yes The Nightmares Are Back, it does not go well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6319966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asingerofsongs/pseuds/asingerofsongs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayGlenn/pseuds/MayGlenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They discovered Finn and Rey on the floor, giggling like children as Rey made gelatinous dessert dance across the floor, with a fork as its partner.<br/>"I'm sure that's not regulation use of the Force," Leia said, trying to keep from smiling.<br/>"I'm not sure that's regulation anything," Luke added, definitely not as good at keeping from smiling.</p><p>Or, Rey and Luke Skywalker arrive, and it doesn't go well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Luke Skywalker had not only agreed to train Rey, but now, after months of training, he had finally decided to return with her to D'Qar and face his sister. Rey was glad to be coming back. She hoped Finn would be awake, as she had thought of him often. When she landed, General Organa greeted them, but she had more to say to her brother, and anyway—where was Finn?

"Finn's in medical," the General said, without her asking.

"Still?" Rey replied, gut churning in worry, and she ran all the way there.

What she saw there startled her, but she was immediately hopeful, as Finn had, well, moved.

He was asleep, yes, but on his side, and he was sleeping...sort of curled around that pilot, his friend, what was his name, Poe? Was this normal? There were some things about "normal" human interactions (those outside of the harshness of Jakku) that confused her.

Poe didn't look great. What had happened to him? And Finn had a bandage over his eye that looked from a fresh injury.

Still, they were _alive_ , and she plopped down in the chair in front of them to wait, startled briefly by the urgent but quiet bleep-blooping of—

"BB-8!" she whispered, dropping to her knees to smile at the droid. "You look all right! What happened to them?" she asked, and sat down on the floor to listen to the droid's story.

When Finn woke much later, he was still a little sleepy from the painkillers (they'd been stronger than he'd expected) and he had the strangest feeling that he was being watched. He knew it couldn't be Poe, who was still fast asleep in his arms, and the quiet chattering from BB-8 didn't sound alarmed or distressed. He sat up slowly so he could see over the edge of the bed and blinked several times. "Rey?" he asked softly, wondering if the painkillers were actually strong enough to make him hallucinate.

Rey grinned with all her teeth. "Finn!" she said, a bit louder this time, unable to contain her joy. "Finn, are you all right?" she asked, scrambling to her feet and leaning over Poe to embrace her friend. "BB-8 was telling me you were captured by bounty hunters and that Poe saved you! Is he all right?"

"I didn't know you were coming back! You found him? Is everything okay? How're Chewie and R2?" Finn asked, talking almost as quickly as Rey. He swung down off the bed and went around to embrace her properly.

"Of course I was coming back! Yes, I found him, yes, Chewbacca and R2 are here, too! How did Poe get you out of there?”

"He dressed like one of them and—wait so do you have a lightsaber now?”

“No, silly, I don’t have a lightsaber! How was he hurt?”

“He rescued me but then he got shot in the back—and is the _Falcon_ alright?—and we flew home and I had to land the Y-Wing.”

“Of course the _Falcon_ 's all right, better than ever! You flew a Y-Wing? Finn, that's great, you're learning to fly?"

“Sort of, when he has time to teach me." They both paused for breath, having chattered over the top of each other for the past minute. Finn took Rey’s hand to squeeze it and grinned at her. "You will like Poe. Did you meet him, when I was...in here the last time?" he asked, dropping her hand to wave around at the medbay.

Rey nodded at the still-sleeping pilot. "We spoke a bit, but I wasn't here long. He seems wonderful," Rey said, lowering her voice and going to him. She laid a hand on his brow, reaching out with the force to bring him what comfort and calm she could. "Should we talk outside? I don't want to wake him!" Rey said, and took Finn's hand.

"If that didn’t wake him up, probably nothing will, but maybe we should," Finn said, smiling when Rey went over to Poe and laid a hand on his forehead. He was glad they'd met and apparently gotten along.

When she turned back to him, she reached for his hand and they went to find a better place to talk. There were small sitting areas scattered around the medbay, probably for the doctors and nurses, but the one closest to Poe's room had two chairs and a very small table, so Finn took Rey to it and sat down. "It’s really hard landing something when you've _never flown before_ and your boyfriend is seriously injured in the seat next to you—did you know that?" He hadn’t even really _flown_ : Poe and BB-8 had done most of the real work. "It was...actually kind of terrifying," he admitted.

"Wait, boyfriend?" Rey asked, grinning, and then laughing. "Is that why you asked whether _I_ had a boyfriend, back on the _Falcon_?" She nudged Finn in the shoulder. "Joking: so you two are...together? I thought he felt something for you, you know. When we—well, when we were both waiting for you to wake up."

"Yeah," Finn answered, laughing a little sheepishly, "Wait, you did? Did everyone?" Not a single person had expressed any surprise that he and Poe were together, as far as he knew. "It took me awhile to figure it out, I guess," he said. And his knowledge of what exactly it meant to be 'with' someone was still very patchwork—some things he knew from books, some from listening to his recruits gossip, and some from Poe telling him, but there were still things he didn't understand at all.

Rey shrugged, a bit nervously, since this wasn't something she understood entirely, either. "I just got the feeling he really cares about you. So someone said they made you an officer? What are you doing on covert missions where you get shot at by bounty hunters?" She wondered excitedly, crossing her legs in the chair.

Finn nodded in answer to Rey's question. "Yeah, they did—I guess because I know about the First Order, and because I'm pretty decent at throwing new recruits around until they figure out how to fight on their feet." He liked his recruits, liked watching them go from so green he could fight three at a time to skilled enough that one of them could beat him in hand-to-hand. "Some of them are older than me, which is...kind of strange." He shrugged. "And the mission wasn't supposed to be a big deal—we were delivering a message to the Hutts, and we went to a cantina and there were some bounty hunters.  I don't think they knew we'd be there, they just got lucky and got the drop on us."  He was still mad about that, especially since they'd proven to be amateurs in almost every way except for actually capturing him without Poe immediately noticing.

Rey's eyes grew wide. "See, that's when you need a scavenger with you. These law-abiding city types don’t have the same danger sense," she teased, to mask the genuine concern she felt, and she squeezed his hand. "Well I'm glad you're all right. Do you want to come see Chewbacca and take bets to see how long it takes 3PO and R2 to start bickering? I could also use something to eat..." She stopped, glancing back inside. "Oh, or I could bring food back, if you'd like to stay with Poe?"

"Yes to the first, but later; absolutely to the second—I give it ten minutes—and..." he hesitated a little, unsure if he was putting one friend before the other and then deciding that Rey would understand, because she was the one who'd offered, "...I'm not sure when he'll wake up, but he's a terrible patient and won't _stay still_ ," he said with some frustration, but it was fond. "But if you bring food back I'll teach you sabbac—or you can teach me any other card games you know—while we wait for him to wake up and cause trouble," he said hopefully.

Rey smiled fondly and kissed Finn on the cheek. "Okay, Finn, I'll do that." She peeked in the door again, glancing at the man on the bed. In sleep his arm had fallen off the bed, and BB-8, ever watchful, had slid himself beneath it, humming softly. "He really means something to you, doesn't he?" She asked, but added quickly: "Here, wait. I'll bring something back from the cantina, and you can tell me all about it, right? And I can tell you all about how _boring_ Jedi training is," she whispered conspiratorially.

Finn followed Rey's glance to where Poe was, quite frankly, beginning to sprawl a little bit in his sleep, and smiled.  His two favorite people—and his one favorite droid—in his line of sight, mostly whole and completely safe. "That sounds great, Rey...although I'm not sure you'll convince me that Jedi training is _boring_ ," he answered, and stood up to give Rey another hug. "I'm really glad you're back," he told her, and then stepped back, one hand still on her shoulder. "Between you and me, the food here is great and I have no idea why anyone ever complains—you should get a little extra because you'll probably want it. And you should at least taste the juice—it's sweet."

Rey nodded and took off at a jog through the base to return with more food than she was sure she could eat. The food here _was_ good, at least, it was always hot, there was lots of variety, and it was (mostly, seemingly) always there. You could eat as much as you wanted. That was important.

…

As Rey headed back to medical, she made a slight detour by the General's office, but since it sounded like her Master was getting the lecture of his life, she snuck right on past, making a worried face, but not about to get involved in sibling conflict. Rey returned quickly to Finn, carrying more food than they would probably eat, and they pulled chairs up next to a window so they could be outside but within sight of Poe. "Okay, spill!" she giggled, beginning to stuff her face. "You're dating the best pilot in the Resistance! Only so named because I'm not in the Resistance," she added.

"I am not getting in the middle of that, it will end only in someone getting in trouble. Me," Finn said, laughing, "But by all means, challenge him to a race or something when he's better, I'm sure everyone would love to see that." His squadron would probably be especially amused, regardless of who won. General Organa, too, although she'd probably be less obvious about it. "He's really great, Rey. I mean, besides the whole 'best pilot in the resistance' thing. He's so…patient." Finn snagged a vegetable off the extra plate that Rey had put between them, and which was obviously therefore free game. Rey's own plate was practically in her lap, but he didn't blame her—Poe still gave him grief for how fast he inhaled his own food, as if he had five minutes before he had to be back on duty. "Okay—for example: it was at least two months before I even knew he wasn't just being kind to me because we rescued each other. And then Jess—have you met Jessika Pava?  You'll like her, and Snap, they're both great, and the other pilots—was in the hangar working on her X-Wing one day and I walked in looking for Poe and she asked if Poe and I had kissed yet.  And then I thought about it for a week and then told him what Jess had said, and the rest—well," he gestured to the other side of the window, where Poe still slept. Obviously, it'd worked itself out from there, more or less. "Oh, and the base had a betting pool as to how long it'd take. General Organa won. Poe was a little indignant."

Rey cackled, a bit too loudly, and kicked her feet. "I bet he was! He seemed kind of serious." Since she had finished her food, she wiped her mouth on her arm binders and focused on her juice. "Working with Master Luke is brilliant. It's a lot of meditation and moving stones, nothing really big yet, but I'm learning a lot of finer control." Her eyes gleamed as it was Finn's turn to eat quickly, and then she gave him a sad smile. "I'm glad you're better. I hated leaving while you were still unconscious. I'm sorry, Finn."

Finn bolted a few more bites while Rey was talking, and then shook his head. "You needed to go find Skywalker, and sitting around watching me be unconscious wasn't going to help anyone, right? You came back. There's nothing to be sorry about," he told her. He knew she had a problem with leaving people or being left behind, and didn't want her to be upset over this, of all things. He gestured to a fork that neither of them had used. "So if you can move a rock, can you move that fork? Are you allowed to do stuff on your own?" he asked. He didn't want to get her in trouble for practicing when she wasn't supposed to, but he really did want to see someone move a spoon without touching it.

Rey grinned, and then sobered. "Er, well, Master Luke I'm _sure_ wouldn't have anything against me practicing..." she said, and grew very still, reaching out. Instead of rising into the air, however, the fork stood on its tines and did a little dance, which dropped when Finn laughed. "What do you think?" she asked eagerly.

"That's fantastic! You're amazing, Rey!" She'd just moved the fork _with her mind_! It was something out of a story told in hushed whispers in stormtrooper recruit quarters—people who could do amazing things by thinking about it. Of course, they all knew Kylo Ren was capable, Finn had even seen him use the Force, but he'd never ever seen anyone use it for...fun? Something non-destructive? "Do you ever make rocks dance just to see what Skywalker will think of it?" he asked, laughing.

Rey snorted. "Oh no, I wouldn't dare!" Her eyes gleamed devilishly. "Yet!" She laughed. "Oh, I brought sweets," she said, opening the last package to some sort of jiggly clear colorful stuff. "They said it was sweet, anyway. Do you know what it is?"

Finn gave the jiggly stuff a slightly dubious look, and poked it with the fork. "I have no idea. Is it alive or something? Why is it moving?" he asked.

"I hope not!" Rey shrieked. "Why would they give me something alive to eat for sweets? You can try it first!"

"No way. You first, Jedi-in-training. Why is it that _color_? I have never seen anything edible that blue," Finn said.  He poked it again with the fork, but this time he poked it too hard and made four little holes in it. "What," he said, more than asked. "Well, I don't think it's alive, even if it _is_ moving."

Rey speared it with her fork. "Well, it didn't scream," she said, and popped it in her mouth.

Her eyes grew wide.

"Oh, Force, no, it's terrible," she said with her cheeks stuffed, picking up the dish like a greedy Jawa and rolling backwards away from Finn. “You don’t want to eat it!”

Finn, of course, couldn't just let that go. If it was horrible, he wanted to taste it just to say he could... But he didn't see why Rey would be trying to make off with it if it were terrible. "We can't just waste it—you should let me eat it. I don't mind. I will make that sacrifice," he said, breaking down and laughing as he finished, because this whole thing was just _ridiculous._   And great.  He'd missed Rey a lot more than he'd realized...

" _Wait_. I have a better idea." Finn paused for effect and held up the fork Rey had made dance previously, and then pointed at the jiggly dessert. "Do you think you could...?"

…

General Organa, taking a break from yelling at her brother to have a luncheon, guided Luke around the corner toward the medical wing. Since he was in the sibling doghouse, he went meekly, and of course she _would_ choose this opportunity to embarrass him, wouldn't she?

They discovered Finn and Rey on the floor, giggling like children as Rey made gelatinous dessert dance across the floor, with a fork as its partner.

"I'm sure that's not regulation use of the Force," Leia said, trying to keep from smiling.

"I'm not sure that's regulation anything," Luke added, definitely not as good at keeping from smiling.

"This _has_ to be better than actually _eating_ it," Finn was saying, out of breath from laughing so hard. The dessert was wobbling its way across the floor, occasionally bumping off the leg of a chair with a hollow plinking noise because of the fork. Rey bounced it off his foot, and it paused for a moment, bobbing as if momentarily stunned. Finn looked over at Rey, and she looked down at the dessert, and it resumed its unsteady dance.

But he could have died of embarrassment when he heard the General's voice, and then a voice he didn't recognize. He froze, and so did Rey, and the dessert stopped so fast that it continued jiggling for several long moments.

Finn scrambled to his feet. "We...uh..." he was at a loss to explain this in any manner that sounded like they weren't a couple of grown adults, at least partially responsible for bringing down a literal weapon-planet, sitting on the floor and laughing themselves completely stupid at a jiggly dessert.  He looked over at Rey for assistance.

"Master Luke! Sorry! Sorry, General—I was j-just showing Finn here—"

Leia nodded behind them. "I think you woke our patient," she said, for as they had spilled over into the doorway, they could now look up to see Poe with his eyes open, a slightly drugged (slightly sad, if Rey thought about it) smile on his face.

"Oh no, don't mind me, just wounded in the line of duty and trying to get my rest while these—" Poe said, gaze finally breaking from the pair of them (they were really cute together, if Poe thought about it).

Poe had awoken to the sound of childish giggling—a nice way to wake up, all things considered, and once he figured out they were talking about gelatin, they were already laughing too hard and he didn't want to interrupt to tell them what it was called. There was a pang in his heart that he couldn't ignore, half because these two precious children had been robbed of so much of their childhoods, and half because he was sure any day now Finn would leave him for Rey and he couldn't blame him.

Finn whirled around and looked up, smiling brightly.  "Poe! You're awake! How are you feeling?" he asked, rushing to Poe’s side as Rey grabbed the fork and used it to scoop the gelatin back onto a plate. "I'm sorry we woke you," he added.

 Then Poe saw him. His mission.

"L-Luke Skywalker!" Poe almost choked, trying to sit up. Finn gently put a hand in the middle of his chest to stop him jumping up and hurting himself, but with strength drawn from anger that none of them expected, Poe jabbed a finger at the Jedi who had been like an uncle to him as a child—with all the betrayal of a child but all the anger of a grown man:

"You _left_!" he shouted, heedless, tearing the oxygen cannula from his face and using Finn to haul himself up.

"Commander!" Leia barked, more surprised than anything.

"No!" Poe said. He wasn't the only one who had been hurt by Luke's abandonment, and Luke coming back didn’t _actually_ solve anything. "We all needed you, and you just disappeared. People _died_ trying to find you! She needed you, and you just left!" Leia was Poe's hero, and Luke had abandoned her in her hour of need.

"Poe, _stop_!" Finn said, horrified, pushing his friend back down, because the doctor was going to be very annoyed if Poe hurt himself yelling at _Luke Skywalker_. And that was if the General or Skywalker didn't beat her to it and...demote him, or something, or kill him. Couldn’t Jedi do that? He turned to the others, casting a nervous look from his General, to her brother, and to Rey, awkwardly stuck in the literal middle of the situation.

"I hope whatever you left for was worth it!" Poe finished. Worth the lives of those villagers, and his fucking _torture_...

There was an awkward silence.

Luke held up his hands. "Poe," he said, sadly. "Poe Dameron. How you've grown—I know, no thanks to me. I appreciate your impassioned reminder, but my sister has already informed me of the totality of my failures.” He sighed. “No, Poe. It was not worth it."

Poe sagged against Finn, now on the verge of tears for some _stupid_ reason, because he was still angry, though he didn't say anything.

"Dameron," Leia said firmly. "I know you're angry on my behalf, and you mean well. But I am not a maiden in need of defending: if you actually think so highly of me you'll take care to remember that I can damn well take care of myself."

Poe looked down, sufficiently chastened, and in growing embarrassment as he realized his audience included Rey—his rival for Finn's affections, a Jedi, Skywalker's pupil.

" _What_ is going on?" Dr. Kalonia demanded, rushing in. "Commander Dameron!" she said with exasperation, and Poe felt himself wilt, knowing he deserved whatever came next. "General, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask everyone to leave my patient..."

Finn tried to convince the doctor to let him stay, but she was very insistent that he leave with all the others. In a last-ditch effort to stay, he threw Poe a look that practically begged him to back him up, but Poe nodded toward the door and said he was fine. Finn was not entirely convinced, but he went, trailing after Rey and the others and frowning.

Inside, "What was that about?" Dr. Kalonia asked, moving a somewhat meeker Poe back onto his stomach again to check his wound, frown and hum.

"Nothing," he said, feeling somehow empty, letting her manipulate him. "Sorry."

Dr. Kalonia was surprised enough by his meek apology that she didn't press, but gave him an injection for pain and to relax him, hooked up the oxygen cannula, and started a new IV drip. He shouldn’t have gotten worse, but his vitals had definitely gotten worse, and he needed _rest_.

…

When Finn broke off to go back to his and Poe's quarters, Rey went with him, watching him closely until he turned and looked at her. "Are you alright?" he asked her.

Rey took Finn's hand. "Are you?" she asked Finn, worried by the haunted look in his eyes. "He seemed pretty upset," she said, with a slight frown at her Master’s retreating form.

"I knew he knew the General from when he was younger, but I didn't know he knew Skywalker.  I don't really know what that was all about. Well, except for the obvious," Finn admitted. He was worried about Poe—who he'd never seen yell at _anyone_ , even when he had reason—and he was worried that Poe had upset Rey, although she seemed fine. "I'm sorry." He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, since Poe was more than capable of apologizing for himself if he wanted to.

Rey shook her head. "Don't apologize. Maybe we can go check on him again later, yeah? Make sure he's all right." She swung their hands together. "I mean, I know the Temple was—is important, for the Jedi, but—Poe’s not wrong, either."

He squeezed Rey's hand. "Did they give you a room to stay in?" he asked, "There's a cot, still, in ours—mine and Poe's, I mean, I...well, we never got around to getting me my own quarters. And now it doesn’t make sense to."

She blinked, glad when Finn changed the subject. "Yeah, I can crash anywhere. I guess I was planning on sleeping on the _Falcon_ otherwise?" She did have a room there, after all, a space of her own.

Finn smiled, grateful that Rey didn't seem to be holding Poe's outburst against him. "Up to you—but you're welcome, if you don't feel like sleeping in the _Falcon_." He tugged her hand when they reached an intersection, nodding down the hall toward his and Poe's quarters. "I'll show you where it is, either way. There's a washroom—it has a door that _locks_ and _towels_ and _actual soap_ and the water is _hot_ —if you want in the refresher." He really, really appreciated the washroom, for so many reasons, especially the hot water and the door that trapped the steam and the heat inside the room.

Rey's eyes bugged out again. "That sounds heavenly, actually," she said, letting Finn lead her, though taking note of the route. "You sure Poe won't mind? Wow, there's _plants_ in his room?" she squeaked, as Finn opened the door. It looked like, well, like two men lived there, otherwise, but the plants! There was even a small skylight in the ceiling that they sat under.

"Why would he mind?" Finn asked, grinning as they entered the room and Rey saw the plants. He remembered how enamored she'd been of the plants when they went to see Maz. He _also_ looked around the room and realized what a mess they regularly left it—the odd pair of pants left thrown over a chair instead of put back into the closet or thrown in the hamper of dirty clothes, random socks (only ever one), and Finn's towel that he'd thrown over the end of the cot that morning when he'd been in a hurry to leave. The shirt Poe had demanded he change out of before they left was heaped in the middle of the floor. "Uh...sorry, it's kind of...a mess," he said, retrieving the shirt.  He looked at the one he was wearing and realized it was still bloody—covered in Poe's blood. He shuddered and held the other shirt against his chest where it blocked him seeing the blood. "The washroom has plants, too," he said to distract himself.

"Sorry, were you going to change?" Rey said. "You can use the bathroom first if you wanted the ‘fresher. I'll just sit here and play with the plants," she offered, giving Finn a helpful smile.

Finn nodded and went to rustle around in the closet for a moment, unearthing the soft pair of pants he preferred to sleep in (Poe called them pajamas) before going into the washroom. He dropped his clean shirt and the pants on the floor and stripped out of the bloodstained clothes—Poe’s  bloody handprint was on his pants—before he did anything else. Once the ‘fresher was on, he stood and leaned against the counter, talking himself down from the realization that he'd had Poe's blood all over him, like he'd had Slip's blood on his helmet... But Poe was fine, he reminded himself. Poe was, in fact, probably out cold from whatever the doctor had given him, and sleeping peacefully or at least hard, and Finn would see him later or in the morning when he woke up. He was fine.

Finn had a very quick shower, but it was as hot as he could stand it. When he opened the washroom door, the cool, plant-scented air of the room hit him, and he smiled a little, though he could practically sense the panic there, just waiting for him to let down his guard.  "All yours," he told Rey with a grin, "Don't think I used all the hot water..." It was possible that if he pretended he was perfectly alright, he would, in fact, _be_ alright. At least, that was the story he was telling himself.

Rey stood up, strode across the room, and gave Finn as big a hug as she could: he looked (and felt) like he needed one. "A-are you all right?" she asked, since Finn seemed to definitely be hiding that he was worried about something. "We can go straight back to medical if you want. I'm worried about him, too."

"I'm sure—absolutely certain—that the doctor knocked him out as soon as we left, so we’d just be watching him sleep..." Finn said. He did want to go back to the medbay, but he also recognized that the doctor probably wouldn't let him in in the first place, and also that if he accidentally woke Poe she'd likely ban him from any further visits. She was a good soul, but she had no sympathy for fools or people who didn't follow directions that were meant to help her patients. "It's just the blood. I'll be okay. Bad memories, you know?" But he appreciated the hug, and stood quietly as they held on to each other for a few moments.

Rey waited until Finn broke the hug, nodding silently when he pulled back. "He'll be fine," she said, though something about that statement coming from her mouth made her uneasy. She was supposed to be mindful of the Force, but this time it was probably wrong. "We'll see him first thing. You want to set up a game we can play? I won't be long," she said, ducking into the refresher before she realized she didn't have a change of clothes with her. "Er, I don't suppose you'd have anything that would fit me? That's clean?"

Finn looked around, at a loss for clean clothes. Surely, of the two of them, they had something that could both fit Rey and was clean. He went back to the closet and rifled around, tossing some maybe-clean clothes out onto the floor and eventually unearthing an old shirt of Poe's that he had never even _seen_. He found another pair of clean pants like the ones he wore, and figured they would have to do. "Found some!" he called across the room to Rey, and set them by the door.  "They're on the floor, just outside," he said, since he was pretty sure he'd get yelled at if he opened the door to actually toss them inside. Then he went over and turned on the little game table that Poe usually kept in one corner and used as a coffee table more often than not. There were several games, likely meant for small children, that he figured out without any instructions, and which seemed an amusing enough way to pass the rest of the afternoon.

Rey wasn't long in the refresher, but it was nice to let her hair down and get wet. She used the other dry towel (maybe Poe's?) and reached carefully for the fatigues Finn had set out for her. They were huge, but the trousers had a drawstring, and though she looked baggy, she felt comfortable, and she smiled and gave Finn a big hug when she came out, her hair still damp and worn down. They played games for a few hours, and went back out for dinner (though she noticed Finn didn't eat much this time) before returning to Finn and Poe's room.

They came back via medical, but Poe was still asleep and the med droid wouldn’t let them beyond the door. BB-8 whistled that everything was okay, which she translated for her friend, taking his hand. "We'll come by in the morning," she promised.

It was good Poe was still sleeping, although Finn would really have liked to just...stick his head in the door and see him for himself, to see if he looked like he was actually sleeping, and not uncomfortable or faking it (unlikely, given the medication). He let Rey lead the way back to his and Poe's room instead, and kicked some clothes and things into an out-of-the-way pile so that she wouldn't trip over them if she got up during the night. There were sheets for the cot on a shelf in the closet, and with two people working at it, the cot was made in about five minutes. "He has _so many blankets_ ," Finn said as he handed Rey two. He handed her a pillow, too. "If you need more blankets, grab the one on the bed," he added. The bed already had two blankets on it—the third one was overkill and Finn had never actually seen Poe use it. "I'm glad you're here, Rey," he told her, and gave her a kiss on the cheek and another hug before curling up in the bed that was really far too giant without Poe taking up the other half.

"Me, too, Finn. I'm glad you're here," Rey said, and her gaze lingered on him as he rolled over in the bed. She wondered if he had a scar on his back under that shirt, but she didn't dare ask. He'd dealt with too much blood today. "Goodnight," she said, and turned out the lights before lying down.


	2. Chapter 2

BB-8 didn’t sleep, though they did go into a kind of low-power mode that was, they guessed, rather like human sleep. BB-8 was worried about their human, about Friend-Poe, whose vitals were better but whose mental activity was…malfunctioning? Friend-Poe had had a small chip implanted so BB-8 could always locate him and always knew how he was doing, thinking it would make them worry less. Often it made them worry more.

Right now, for example, Friend-Poe was supposed to be in low-power mode—sleeping—but he was talking.

“Who talks first?” he mumbled, speech distorted against the bed, and BB-8 whistled nervously.

_“Who talks first? I talk first? You talk first?”_

_Ben never was much of a talker. It was a good dig, and in the moment Poe was proud of it._

_Maybe if you hadn’t pissed him off, those civilians would still be alive. The guilt was gut-wrenching. Poe felt like he was going to be sick, but it tangled up in his throat, wires crossed with darkness and pain—it hurt far too much to be sick._

_Somehow, impossibly, Poe was back in that awful chair, that torture chamber dripping with his blood and sweat and piss, his ears ringing and nose bleeding from the Stormtroopers warming him up, and Kylo Ren was there. Poe was begging him, calling him Ben, struggling and screaming and weeping as Ren raped his mind, seeing what wasn’t his, taking what wasn’t his._

_And Poe would have given BB-8 away just to make it all stop, he knew that. Ren saved him from betraying the Resistance only technically. Taking instead of asking._

_Kylo Ren wanted to know about Finn, about—FN-2187—_

_“That’s not his name!” Poe screamed._

_“You love him? Even when he’s clearly more interested in that slip of a Jedi scavenger?”_

_“She’s got a name, too.” (Finn would be better off with Rey, happier, more whole, safer.)_

_“And you’ll give me her name, too. You’ll give me the location of Luke Skywalker—I know that won’t weigh much on your conscience—and you’ll give me your precious General.”_

_Poe screamed as the agony returned in mounting waves, spreading, traveling from his brain down his spine until his whole back hurt, and the restraints were too strong, he was too weak, his head hurt._

BB-8 couldn't take it anymore! The doctors rushed in when Friend-Poe tried to get up, but they only strapped Friend-Poe down to the bed, so he wouldn't hurt himself, BB-8 knew, but didn't the doctors _know_?! BB-8's programming wouldn't let them shock medical personnel, however, so they wheeled backwards and out of the room down the halls, bleating [Friend-Finn! Friend-Finn!]

…

Rey woke with a start, sweating, and without even really knowing what she had planned to do she was out of bed and shaking Finn awake. "Finn, wake up, we have to go now, it's Poe, something’s wrong." She had felt, for an instant, like she was back in that awful room with Kylo Ren, but somehow she didn’t think it was _her_ nightmare.

Finn was awake and on his feet and ready to fight something before he even registered that the voice that had awakened him was familiar—Rey!—and that she was saying something about Poe.  "What's wrong?" he asked her, feeling something horrible and heavy and cold settle in his stomach as he grabbed Rey's hand and dragged her out the door toward medical at a flat-out run. He nearly careened them into several walls by the time they reached BB-8, who was making loud, distressed noises. The little droid immediately switched directions and tore back down the hall, Finn and Rey right behind. A medical droid tried to get in their way, and while BB-8 simply rolled around it, Finn bowled it over, sending it sprawling to the floor with a clang as he rushed into Poe's room.

" _Finn_!" Dr Kalonia barked. "Finn, you're not supposed to be in here," she said, getting Poe's arm strapped to the bed. She didn't like to use these restraints, but Poe was already bleeding again, and he wouldn't stop screaming hoarsely and struggling. “Commander, Commander Dameron, I need you to relax.”

"Dr. Kalonia," Sal said, "he's already had three sedative doses in 24 hours. We can't give him another, can we?"

_Ren had BB-8! Poe could hear them whistling!_

_"NO! Fucking let me go!" Poe roared. "B...BB-8, please don't—don’t hurt them, they haven't got what you want!" he begged, shaking. Kriff, his head hurt._

Rey slipped between the droid and the doctor, laying a hand on Poe’s head, focusing, calming:

_Poe, it's all right, you're safe—_

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" he snapped, looking at her with eyes that spoke of sudden wild clarity, and she yanked her hand back with a yelp, looking to Finn.

"What can I do?" Finn asked frantically, afraid that anything he might try would only upset Poe further. BB-8 was slamming repeatedly into the back of his leg, attempting to herd him toward the bed, and Sall and Dr. Kalonia and the other aide were having some sort of serious discussion. BB-8 shrieked something at him and he looked to Rey helplessly. 

"'Talk to him'," she translated, so Finn edged the doctor a little out of the way and gently, almost hesitantly, put his hand on Poe's. 

"Hey, Poe, you really need to wake up. I'm right here. You're hurting yourself, please, _please_ stop," he said softly.

_Poe stopped, sucking in a breath. Finn?_

_"N-no, no. Not you, too, not—Finn—you—" Poe went quite limp, suddenly. "Let him go. Please. I'll tell you everything."_

Listening to that made a shiver run up Rey's spine, and BB-8 chirped again. "Tell him you're here to rescue him," she translated, though she frowned in confusion at BB-8. But the little droid seemed to know what was best.

The doctors had stepped back, waiting. This was progress, at least.

"Poe, it's okay. I'm rescuing you," Finn said, glad he was able to keep the frightened shake out of his voice. It wouldn't be a very convincing statement if he sounded scared half out of his wits. "That's why I'm here. No one's caught me. I'm okay," he said, thinking reassurance that they were _both_ safe might do a better job than merely reassuring Poe of his own safety. “I’m here to rescue you.”

Poe blinked a few times, going still, though not relaxing. "Finn?" Could he believe it? Dare he believe it? Poe was...confused. Disoriented. Had he been shot, or captured? Bounty hunters, or the First Order? Both? He thought they had captured Finn—but maybe they had him instead? No, Finn had rescued him, but they crashed—

"I gave him _everything_ ," Poe gasped, on the verge of tears. "’Msorry..." He gave a weak tug on the restraints and then went limp, like he didn’t care anymore.

“He _took_ everything," Rey corrected angrily from over Finn's shoulder, and Finn turned to glance at her before turning back to Poe:

"You heard the Jedi-in-training. No one blames you, Poe, not me, or the General, or the pilots. Want me to get these off of you?" he asked, touching a restraint where it had scraped against Poe's wrist.

Poe nodded, beginning to shake. "D-don't go," he whispered, desperate not to cry.

Rey was at his other side, unbuckling the restraint on his right arm, careful to only touch him gently. Poe let out a shaky breath as the restraints came off, and relaxed further.

BB-8 rocked back and forth in agitation, whistling quickly. "BB-8 thinks—ah—you should...hold him?" Rey whispered. Maybe that was why she had first found them in that position, cramped on a small medical bed together.

Finn smiled sadly at Rey and then at BB-8, reaching down to pat the droid on the head. "Not going anywhere," he told Poe. "’M gonna lay down next to you, okay? No moving, I've got this," he said, gently nudging Poe's arm out of his way as he climbed gingerly onto the bed next to him. "You with me now?" he asked, trying to ascertain if Poe was fully awake yet, or if he was still dreaming, since his gaze still looked dull and unfocused.

Poe gave a full-body shiver and a jerky nod. "I think…had a bad dream," he said. He wanted to curl in closer to Finn, but Finn said not to move, and Poe wasn't interested in pushing his luck, so he just turned his head toward him. Poe couldn't look him in the eye, but stared dully at his neck.

"Poe? It's Dr. Kalonia. I'm going to apply another bacta bandage here, all right?" she said, sounding surprisingly tender, like she was dealing with Chewie instead of her Worst Patient Ever.

Poe realized he must have caused a terrible scene if she was being _nice_ to him. He nodded, throat feeling thick and clogged. "Sorry," he moaned, and let them shift him onto his side.

While Dr. Kalonia put the new bandage on Poe's back, Finn curled more toward him, close enough to kiss his forehead and tangle their legs up together, so Poe would have no chance to forget where he was again. "If I don't get to apologize, neither do you," Finn told him fondly, gently running a hand up and down his arm. "Want some water?" he asked, knowing someone would go get some if Poe wanted it.

Poe nodded, still trembling, though the shakes were receding with the closeness of Finn. Someone was messing with his back, but it didn't hurt much, not as much as he thought it hurt, before. Then there was a pouch of water with a straw in front of his face, but Poe only drank a few sips before burying his face in Finn's chest. "I'm sorry," he said again, because he was crying, now, despite his best efforts, and he was getting Finn's shirt wet.

Rey took the water back, looking sadly at Finn and the pilot. She didn't have to use the Force actively to feel waves of guilt and pain coming off him. Poe flinched but didn't struggle as the doctor re-placed the IVs that had been ripped out, and the oxygen mask. Poe would later thank her for pretending not to notice that he was crying.

"May I stay with them?" Rey whispered, and Dr. Kalonia waved a hand, nodding. Apparently, enough tranquilizers to kill a tauntaun worked less effectively on Dameron than one former stormtrooper and a young Jedi.

"It's okay, I've got you. ‘S okay," Finn hummed at Poe, unable to see that he was crying but able to feel the tears on his shirt anyway. He glanced briefly up at Rey as she squeezed his shoulder and dragged a chair close to the bed. She laid a hand gently on his ribs, and he exhaled a breath he'd been holding. "I'm staying right here, okay? You sleep if you need to, and I'll be right here when you wake up," he told Poe softly, bringing one hand up to very slowly and gently brush through the pilot's curly hair.

Poe nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Which was good, because when Finn carded his fingers through his hair, something like a whimper escaped, and he went still. BB-8 was bleeping a few orders still, and Rey got up to drape a heavier blanket over the both of them. "BB-8 says to do that again."

" _Seriously_?" Poe groaned at the droid, his voice muffled where it pressed against Finn's chest, but he was really too tired to be too embarrassed. He felt calmed by the movement, by the comfort of Finn’s hand on his head, fingers combing through his hair, like nothing else mattered. And since Poe was asleep before the third stroke, apparently, nothing else did.

Seeing and feeling Poe go still with a sigh, Rey froze as if any noise would wake him again, and she hovered nearby. "Do you need anything, Finn? Another pillow?" she whispered eventually, once she was sure he was out.

"No, I'm okay," Finn said, smiling fondly at Poe, who was out again, absolutely still except for the slight movement of his chest when he breathed. Finn was drifting, too, and he was sure Rey must still be tired. "If you want to go back and sleep on the cot or in the bed, I'll stay here and watch him," he told her. He wasn't going anywhere, not until Poe woke up, which hopefully wouldn't be for hours. But that didn't mean Rey had to stay here and sleep in the chair, either, even if it did fold down into something like a cot.

Rey ignored him and stuffed another pillow under his head. "If you're staying, I'm staying, too. Come on, BB-8, you need to charge," she said, herding the tiny droid, toning mournfully at her, to the wall where there was an outlet. "You did very well looking after him, and you need to get your rest, too, or you won't be any help to him, hm?" she said, patting their dome and returning. She surveyed Finn curled around the sleeping pilot and smiled. "He looks all right now. Feels all right," she explained, and kissed first Poe's brow, and then Finn's. "I'll just sleep here, yeah? Wake me if you need anything."

"It unfolds," Finn said vaguely, referring to the resident chair. It was just like the one Poe had spent weeks sleeping on in his room.  He yawned, shifting a little so he was comfortable enough to sleep, and let his hand rest on Poe's head, fingers still tangled in his hair. "We're okay," he repeated one last time, for the benefit of everyone in the room. "Thanks, Rey," he added as his eyes slipped shut and he drifted back to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Poe couldn't remember sleeping better—partially due to sheer exhaustion, emotional and physical—and the drugs still, probably—but he liked to chalk it up to the way Finn was curled around him, actively protective, the way Finn's leg pinned his, and he was crushed up against his chest like he might try to wriggle away and escape. It felt really good, and it made Poe embarrassed to be so happy, so comfortable, after the stunt(s?) he had pulled. Finn's fingers were tangled in his _hair_ , how had he deserved this? What had he done in a past life? He must have been a saint at some point. He opened his eyes, staring into the hollow of Finn's throat, and his own sweaty fist gripping Finn's shirt (his shirt). His brain was trying to piece together what had led to this—he remembered the bounty hunters, being shot, getting back to base. Did he dream up Rey? And Luke? He winced, squeezing his eyes shut. He could always hope that part had been a dream.

"Poe? Are you awake?"

Rey came suddenly into view behind Finn: Okay, not a dream, and he blushed a little to be locked in the tight embrace of the boy she was interested in (emotionally manipulative as always, Dameron; you know he wouldn't be holding you like this if you weren't so pathetic).

"Y-yeah," he said, his voice cracking slightly. "You think we can say an elevated fever is to blame for the last...12 hours or so?" he wondered hopefully.

She smiled kindly. "Yeah, I could buy that. Would you like some water?"

Poe nodded, and she carefully maneuvered between them, without waking Finn, so he could reach the straw.

"Feeling any better?"

Poe nodded again, moaning slightly at the taste of water, and how it cleared his head.

"You're wearing my shirt," he said, and she had to cover her mouth not to laugh.

"Probably your trousers, too."

Poe huffed. "Sorry for borrowing your boyfriend. And, ah, yelling...at your Master? I didn't actually know I was holding onto...that..." Wasn't that how the sith happened? Holding onto anger? He hadn't even _known_ he would be that pissed off when he saw Luke again! He screwed his eyes shut again, as if he could forget or erase what he had said.

It was Rey's turn to brush some hair back from his brow, using BB-8's information against him. "Hey, I thought he was _your_ —oh, Finn? Hullo, how long have you been awake?"

"Not long," Finn said, making absolutely no attempt to move, even though Rey was behind him. It was not easy to find a comfortable position on a medbay bed, but he'd found one, curled up around Poe, and he was staying here until someone told him to move. "Trousers are mine, by the way," he laughed. "And yes I am his boyfriend," he told Rey. Since Poe was still curled close to him, he rested his chin on his head and, without thinking about it, carded his fingers through the curls at the nape of Poe's neck. "You sleep okay? Both of you?" he asked.

Poe moaned and nodded, closing his eyes again. 'I am his boyfriend' sounded like part of a dream, but Poe latched onto it. Maybe he'd misread Finn and Rey's relationship? Force, he hoped so, and he was vulnerable enough now to just accept it.

Rey nodded. "I'm used to sleeping on sand. I slept fine."

"Sorry I woke you guys," Poe said. "I—thought I was," he coughed, " _over_ those."

[Friend-Poe's sleep is interrupted 62% of the time,] BB-8 informed Rey, booping against her leg. [Interruption probability drops to 7% in the presence of Friend-Finn—]

"BB-8!" Poe cried, jolting, and hissed as the start twinged his back. The good news was, the drugs had worn off. "He doesn't know what he's talking about," he grumbled, but Rey smiled knowingly and patted BB-8. That seemed like an easy fix for nightmares.

"What—Poe, _stop_ —what did they say?" Finn asked, rolling onto his back where he could glance over at BB-8, who was rocking innocently. He looked from Rey to Poe, one arm still wrapped over Poe's shoulders, and raised his eyebrows. "I miss something important?"

"BB-8 says Poe has night terrors when he sleeps alone," Rey explained evenly, and BB-8 squeaked indignantly, as that wasn't entirely true. "And that you get them, too." She looked a little embarrassed to be hearing this.

"Menace," Finn told BB-8 pointedly.

Poe groaned, trying to cover his face. That was all he needed, a _Jedi_ knowing about his issues. "They're getting better," he protested weakly.

"They're not that bad—Rey, _everyone_ has nightmares!" Finn told his friend, protesting right over the top of Poe's protest. He didn't even want to know what other information BB-8 was spilling, and exchanged a concerned look with Poe. BB-8 sounded skeptical, and continued chattering, apparently telling Rey everything.

"Wait, Finn, you did _what_?" Rey suddenly cried.

"I—what did I do?" He glanced from Rey to Poe for a translation. As soon as he had a chance, he was learning to speak Binary. It was nerve-wracking, the three of them having a conversation that went over his head.

"He's talking...about when you woke up...and I got a bloody nose. It's _fine_ , Rey," Poe said, never mind that he was a grown ass man cuddling his boyfriend in front of everybody.

"FINE?" Rey squeaked, but looking between them she caught something hard and stubborn in their eyes, and she raised her hands placatingly.

Finn was still a little ashamed about that whole incident, and inched a little closer to Poe, whether in apology again or because it made him feel better, he wasn't actually sure. 

"Help me sit up?" Poe asked, trying to change the subject, though he quickly amended: "Am I allowed to sit up?" Dr. Kalonia was probably prepared to have him committed as it was, and Poe flinched as his hand brushed against the restraints resting on the bed.

"I'll go ask," Rey said.

While Rey went to go find Dr. Kalonia, Finn yawned and sat up by degrees, too lazy to do it quickly. He sat next to Poe's shoulder, one leg bent at the knee and still on the bed, the other leg hanging off the side and kicking lazily. "Hey, BB-8, buddy, c'mere," he said to the droid, who rolled over and chirped up at him. "You're going to have to teach me how to understand you."  BB-8 made a delighted-sounding trill noise and rocked forward and back as if nodding. Finn grinned and turned enough to look at Poe. "You can help," he added. Poe still didn't look healthy—he was too pale, and he looked tired, but Finn supposed that made sense, given everything. It still made him want to curl back up next to him and snarl at anyone or anything who tried to wake him. He settled for holding his hand instead.

Poe squeezed Finn's hand a little desperately, but managed a smile. "It's called Binary—and it's really more of a code you just have to memorize," Poe said, halfway through a shrug before he decided against it. "I'm _sorry_ , Finn," he said when they were alone. "I didn't want to worry you, I don't know what came over me, and _thank_ you for—'

But he was interrupted as Dr. Kalonia and Rey returned. "You're asking? You must feel worse than we thought," Dr. Kalonia said as she walked in the door. Finn looked at her, trying to judge if either of them were in trouble.

Poe, however, beamed up at them, trying to appear strong, but not cocky. Dr. Kalonia hated cocky. "I, ah, am feeling fine. Just kinda stupid," he said, which was true.

"Why stupid? We've already covered that I nearly broke your nose waking up from a nightmare, right?" Finn asked, and Dr. Kalonia gave him a narrow-eyed look that spoke volumes about what she thought of not knowing about _that_ one before now. "Uh.  It was an accident?" Finn said, which in no way seemed to remedy the situation. There was an awkward silence for a moment. "Oh, right, so I think Poe was going to ask you if he could sit up," Finn said, bumping his shoulder against Poe's to prompt him into distracting the doctor from continuing to give them both that evaluating look. Behind the doctor, Rey looked at him and then rolled her eyes.

"I...promise I'll be good?" Poe tried, feeling guilty about the whole affair.

Dr. Kalonia sighed. "Okay, we can lift the bed. You just need to go 24 hours without tearing apart the work the bacta is doing and I'll even let you go back to your room," she said, as if explaining this to a small child, which Poe endured with nothing more than a heated face, because she was raising the bed into a more or less sitting position. "And I'm not letting you leave until we talk about the nightmares."

Poe’s jaw tightened and he felt suddenly cold. "But! I'm fit for command!" he protested. "I led the assault on _Starkiller_ , and the nightmares were worse then—"

"I said we'd talk," she said, "To both of you," she added looking at Finn, and after checking Poe's bandages again, she left them alone.

Poe dropped his head back weakly, grinding his teeth. She wouldn't _ground_ him, would she? He felt ill at the possibility, and had to shove it away. He wouldn’t let it happen.

"Why does she want to talk about them? It's not like she can make them go away," Finn said, not understanding. He was about as happy with the idea as Poe was, and while he'd primarily been speaking to the pilot, it was Rey who answered.

"Because carrying things like that around and pretending they'll go away if you ignore them hard enough just makes them worse." She shrugged one shoulder self-consciously. "Anyway, that's what I was taught." She didn't mention by who, but since there was only one person in Rey's life who'd taught her much of anything, it was easy to guess that it'd been Luke. "But I don't _want_ to," Finn said, and Rey snorted. "Yeah, find me the person who does..."

Poe reached for Finn's hand. "It'll be fine," he said, managing a smile he hoped he felt. Poe _knew_ he needed help, he just didn't want to risk being taken out of the sky, permanently. It seemed that lots of things scared Poe these days, but nothing scared him more than that. "Rey's right. They probably don't believe in PTSD in the First Order—but, hell, being _in_ the First Order could probably give you PTSD." Poe shook himself, squeezed Finn's hand again, pulling him back onto the bed with him. "Hey, is there any food around? I'm pretty sure I'm _actually_ starving to death."

"That would be a truly tragic fate for the Resistance's best pilot," Finn said, but he was hungry too, and assumed Rey had to be as well. "My turn for food. Anything specific?" he asked as he climbed off the bed. He stretched, feeling sore muscles and hearing things pop that usually didn't unless he'd been sleeping somewhere weird—like a medbay bed with another person.

Poe winced at the sounds, which covered up his concern at Finn leaving (he was fine, Finn was coming right back, he would be okay). "I'm sorry," he said, catching Finn's hand and turning him back to him. "Let me rub your shoulders later?" He wasn't sure it was sweet or weird that he didn't feel wrong being tender with Finn in front of Rey. "I'll eat anything. Soup, maybe?"

Rey shrugged. "You know what I like, which is everything. Oh! Bring more of that jelly stuff!"

Poe laughed. "You'll get in trouble again! You know I technically saved you two, by getting in _more_ trouble," he said with a wink.

Finn rolled his eyes at Poe's wink. "Not sure any of us are actually in _trouble_ ," he said, "Unless the General is biding her time." Actually, it was possible she was currently trying to track both Rey and Finn down, since as far as she knew, they'd spent the night in Finn and Poe's room. "Okay. Soup for you, anything but especially jelly for you... I'll be right back," he said before heading off toward the cafeteria.

Poe wasn't about to let the silence get awkward between he and Rey, as he hadn't had a chance to really talk to her much before. "You know I never really thanked you for what you did for BB-8," he said. "They told me all about—everything. From you straightening their antenna to refusing to sell them and, of course, I mean, keeping them safe."

BB-8 gave a beep that sounded like a cough (they were picking up bad habits from him).

"Yes, of course, Bee, I'm also grateful to you for taking care of Rey." He grinned.Rey grinned down at BB-8 and bent to rest her hand on the little droid's head. "I've never met a droid like them. Never met many droids at all, really. Enough to learn to talk to them, but none of the others ever had quite so much personality," she said. BB-8 trilled at her, not words, just a happy noise. "They're quite loyal to you, you know. Did anyone tell you about them shocking Finn when we caught him with your jacket?" she asked, because if Poe hadn't heard the story, he really needed to.

Poe snorted and covered his face. "You told me you were _worried_ , BB-8! Not that you shocked him! Though I can imagine it," he said, wagging a finger at the droid, who at least pretended to look scolded. "So tell me about flying the _Falcon_. That's only been a dream of mine since I was, oh, seven, so you should know I'm insanely jealous."

"Oh, she's amazing! I take back everything mean I ever said about her being garbage. Chewie has been showing me tricks that he learned from Han." She paused; both of them missed him, still, Chewie more so. "You want to fly her sometime? I know she handles differently than an X-Wing, but she's not exactly slow. We finally got rid of the last of the hobbles that various stupid people had put on her." It'd been a process of disabling them, removing them, and making sure everything still went back together the way it should. "I bet Chewie would tell you all about anything you wanted to know. He really loves that ship," she said fondly. She'd awkwardly asked if he would rather be pilot, but he'd been very adamant that Han would have wanted her to pilot the Falcon.  They got along well, for all that she still only understood him maybe 25% of the time.

"Oh, that's right, Chewie's here!" Poe cried, forgetting he wasn't supposed to be sitting up, though he got halfway there before he remembered. "Ow, oh. I mean, he probably won't remember me. I was a little surprised Luke remembered me," he said, sobering slightly. "Chewie used to let us ride on his shoulders—when I was much much younger," he added hastily, and smiled, remembering.

Given that Chewie had once, in passing, referred to the pilot in the black X-Wing that had saved their butts while Rey was busy getting kidnapped, she was pretty confident the Wookiee remembered him. "That does not surprise me, somehow. How many door jambs did you hit before you learned to duck?" she asked with a laugh.

"Oh, Chewie never let me hit anything," Poe corrected. "He would get on his knees or bend down—Han would always try to tell us he was mean and scary, but Chewie couldn't have been more gentle. Anyway, poor guy has to duck through most doors, _anyway_ , so he's pretty conscious." Poe laughed suddenly. "Did you play that stupid holochess game with him, yet? _That_ will turn him mean and scary, if anything will, if you don't let him win! Kriffing loves that holochess game." Poe lifted his head. "Tell me that's still in the Falcon!"

"Oh, it's still there. Gets used as a coffee table, mostly, but it's there. I don't know how to play chess, though," Rey laughed. She hadn't known Chewie knew how to play chess, either, for that matter. "He and R2 may have played it sometime when I wasn't there, actually. Or maybe he played it with Luke on the way back." She shrugged, and thought perhaps she'd ask him to teach her next time they were both bored and there wasn't flying to be done, which actually seemed to happen quite a lot getting from one place to another. "You really should come see the _Falcon_ , and Chewie. Bring BB-8, and they can talk to R2 and 3PO, if they haven't wandered off to argue somewhere," she told him, "Oh, or I could bring them here!" It might get crowded, but if no one else cared, she didn't.

"I'd teach you chess," Poe offered with a smile, really warming to the young girl. Rey was so friendly, how could anyone _not_ like her? He thought that even if she was his rival for Finn's affections, he couldn't hate her. "Oh, oh, I'll go see them. I don't really want anyone—er—anyone _else_ —seeing me like this. The second I'm out of here, though, I want to see Chewie." Finn still wasn't back yet, so, "Finn said he jammed the blaster canon on the _Falcon_? Did you get it fixed?"

"He said _he_ jammed it? It got shot while he was manning it, but that's hardly his fault," Rey said, and then waved a hand, "But yeah, we fixed it. Didn't want to go wandering without working weapons." She dragged the chair in the room closer to the bed and flopped down in it. "Will you tell me about your X-Wing? I've never been in one," she asked, ready to give Poe her undivided attention. She hadn't even been very close to one—at least, not for long enough to get a really good look at it.

"What? Never? We can totally check out Black One, and I'll take you for a spin," Poe offered, grinning absently. "She's a lucky bird," he said. "Always salvaged her after every scrap—" he knocked on his head to keep from jinxing it, and BB-8 rushed to a wood-paneled cabinet to do the same.

"Really?!" Rey asked, a little bit of disbelief creeping into her voice. Go for a spin in Black One? With _the best pilot in the Resistance_ flying? She was pretty sure she'd had dreams like that, on nights she spent staring up at the stars through a battered old flight helmet. "What...was that?" she asked as Poe knocked on his head and BB-8 knocked on a nearby wood cabinet.

"...Knock on wood?" Poe tried. "That's what we say to not jinx something. In a pinch, I knock on my head—it’s a joke..."  

Finn was shocked at how busy the cafeteria was, until he checked the time and realized it was right in the middle of breakfast time. As a result of the number of people, he got to answer a lot of questions, mostly about if Poe was okay, and if he'd talked to Rey, and if he'd met the general's brother. Jess eventually realized he was getting nowhere fast and put a stop to it, then helped him load up a couple of take-away trays with food before shooing him out the door.

Poe lifted his head as Finn returned, laden with boxes. "My hero!" he cried, his stomach rumbling.

Finn laughed as he set out the food he'd brought with him—soup for Poe, and a little bit of several different things for Rey, and the waterfowl with sauce and fruit and rice that had become one of his favorites. There was an extra box, too, with frogs if Poe was up to eating them, jelly that made him giggle a little whenever he saw it move, and some chocolate that was not from the cafeteria.  Jess had handed it to him as he left, explaining the pilots had pooled resources and come up with chocolate from about five different planets.

"Oh stars is that _chocolate_?" Poe said, sniffing like a bloodhound at Finn's pocket, waiting until he came close enough to lift it from him. "I'm saving this, we'll try it—hey, they’ve got Trammistan chocolate! This is for dessert—yes, for all of us! Where's my soup?" He felt more human at just the prospect of food.

"Thank your pilots for that," Finn told Poe as he stole the chocolate from his pocket. He brought the soup over and set it in Poe's lap with a spoon, then handed Rey her box and settled on the bed next to Poe with his own food. "You can fit too, if we move our feet," he told Rey, and folded them up to sit cross-legged so she could also sit and eat with them.

Poe curled his legs up, too, wincing until Finn helped him. He read through all the labels carefully as he sipped his soup (he ate most of it, and would snack on the frogs throughout the day) and when they were done with their meal (it was a very late breakfast, technically), he broke the chocolates into bites and they tried each in turn. He gave tasting notes like they were trying Corellian brandies, and it was harder than Poe thought it would be to teach his more sheltered friends how not to bolt their food, but _taste_ it.

The results were good.


	4. Chapter 4

A growl from the door startled Poe, and when he turned to find Chewbacca ducking through the door, looking no different than when Poe had known him all those years ago, he gaped. "Ch-Chewie?" he squeaked, and with a friendly growl that Poe recognized as his name, the Wookiee embraced him, making Poe _feel_ about six again.

"Chewie, Chewie, ow, wait, not so hard!” he winced, and, as his old friend growled and roared a reply, “Slow, slow down, please, it's been a while!" he laughed.

[They told me you were hurt, but you look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark!] Chewbacca said.

"Not hurt bad," Poe protested.

[Heard what you told Skywalker... _nice_.]

"You heard about that? I'm so ashamed!" Poe laughed, covering his face and leaning into the warm fur. "Hey, Chewie, you want some chocolate?"

When Chewie growled by way of hello from the door, Finn had startled so badly that he nearly fell off the bed, to Rey's amusement. He used to opportunity to move so Poe could properly hug the Wookie, who was already carrying on a conversation with him. Once he'd established that Poe was alright, Chewie turned and said hello to Rey, and said something that made her laugh. "He says you're jumpy, and he's sorry he frightened you again," Rey told Finn, and he smiled crookedly in embarrassment.

"I'm not used to Wookiees..." he said, "It's good to see you again, Chewie. Thanks for saving our butts," he told Chewie, who made a roaring noise back at him and reached over to pat him on the shoulder.

"Chewie," Poe said seriously. "These poor kids said you haven't taught them _chess_ yet. Whaddya say we fix that?" Chewie roared affirmative and made a huffing chuckling noise. "No, we'll go easy on them. No, no, they have a regular game in here—should be in that cabinet, Finn—no holochess, I'm _sorry_ , Uncle Chewie,” Poe said, realizing belatedly the honorary nickname he had used for his childhood "uncle," and blushed, hoping no one would notice.

Finn went over to the cabinet and found the chess game in a battered old box that looked like it was older than he was. It had all the pieces when he opened it to check, though, so he took it back over to Poe and handed it to Chewie, who opened it and set the game board on the box is Poe's lap where they could all see it.

"Okay, there are six different pieces, they each have different moves available to them. Object is to capture the King...." Poe began, overseeing a practice game between Rey and Chewie, and then a game between Finn and Chewie. As they played, he gave each pointers and helped them to develop their own strategies. Both Finn and Rey had no trouble grasping the militaristic concept, and their personalities became apparent as they played. Finn's first victory was by attrition, taking down most of Poe's pieces and losing virtually all of his own before he won. Rey played more like Poe, with guile and deception and a lot of defensive movements, so they switched off playing Poe vs Rey and Chewie vs Finn.

After a couple hours of chess, Chewie left to go eat and Finn and Rey played a team match of chess against Poe, who won mostly because between them, Finn and Rey couldn't agree on a strategy. Then Rey wanted to play Finn, and while they slowly worked their way through a game, Poe fell asleep, oblivious to the chess match being played across his knees.  They eventually played to a draw, although it took them another hour to get there. When Finn turned to see if Poe had watched the whole game, he realized he was asleep and smiled fondly, pushing a curl out of his face that threatened to poke him in the eye when he woke up.

"It's hard to tell there's an ex-stormtrooper in there, Finn," Rey said with a fond smile, watching them interact. "Poe's very lucky."

Finn tried three times to respond to Rey, but couldn't find anything more adequately expressive than a heartfelt, " _Thank you_ ," and a hug. "I'm luckier," he said as he sat back. "Did you ever think when we stole the Falcon to bring Bee back here..." He gestured around the room, realized that might not be very explanatory, and added, "...did you expect any of this?"

Rey shook her head. "That I would be training with Luke Skywalker and piloting the _Millenium Falcon_ —no, never. And you, a Resistance Officer! Even though I already believed that you actually were, when you _lied_ to me!" She laughed. "Is it your move? I think I'm totally lost."

"I don't think either of us can win without losing, at this point," Finn said after looking at the board for a minute. He started resetting pieces so they could play again. "It couldn't have been a very convincing lie. Han saw right through it!" Then again, Han Solo had probably been very good at seeing through falsehoods, given his chosen profession. "Want to go first this time?" he asked once all the pieces were back in their places. He very gently picked up the game board and nodded to Rey. "The table might work better," he said softly, glancing again at Poe to make sure he was still sleeping. "Come on," he said with a grin, once he was certain that Poe was very much deeply asleep, and not merely faking it.

Poe didn't exactly feel movement, but something woke him (desperate codependence?) and as he opened his eyes he saw Finn and Rey move to the table. He smiled softly but made no other sign. Rey took the white side now, sitting down with her back to Poe, so Finn could watch him. "When did you—first know you couldn't be a stormtrooper?" she asked. "Only if you don't mind. I mean, you'd have to be really strong to break from something like that, and—I mean you _are_ really strong...Lucky for us!"

"I'm not sure," Finn admitted. It had been so gradual... "Maybe...there was one of my squad mates, Slip. He was very bad at...well, everything, really. Captain told me to stop looking out for him, you know, because if you can't survive, then—" he shrugged and shook his head. Suffice to say, it was an unkind fate. "And then our first battle, there on Jakku, he got shot right in front of me."  That had taken care of the last of his indecision.

He glanced up from the board and gave Rey a small smile, aware it was not a happy story.

Rey's brow knit, but she took Finn's hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry about Slip," she said. "But the rest of us—Poe, BB-8—we’re so glad to have you." To emphasize this, she stood up and leaned across the table to kiss Finn's cheek.

"Not as glad as I am to have all of you," Finn insisted, and he turned his head to kiss Rey's cheek after she'd kissed his. He managed a more genuine smile when she sat back down, and considered the board before moving one of his pieces. "It's a good thing Poe got captured and I decided to quit. And that BB-8 found you, and I found you...and that you could fly the _Falcon_." It had been a long series of lucky coincidences that certainly had not seemed like it at the time.

Rey nodded. "Master Luke thinks the Force has a hand in all of it—I don't know what to think. I think if we hadn't all had each other..." She shrugged, and casually moved a piece, hoping Finn wouldn't notice, but of course he did, and obliterated her progress (though she had another front she was working on).

It was sweet watching them interact, so that Poe almost didn't notice the kiss. That made it hurt more. They were perfect for each other, and he could imagine them exploring the world together, naïve and beautiful and he was so old and perverted and _what was he doing_ ruining that?

Finn was probably about to lose another match, but he was so focused on the game that it took Rey tapping his hand before he paid attention to her. "Your boyfriend is awake," she said, a strange look on her face. Finn stood and glanced into the room through the window to see that Poe was, indeed, awake.  Why was Rey frowning? Poe _looked_ fine. "What's wrong?" he asked Rey, who shrugged apologetically.  Finn frowned and went back to Poe's room. "You okay?" he asked Poe.

Poe brightened as Finn came in. "Hey, buddy, yeah, fine. Didn't want you to stop playing your game." He coughed. "I'm a bit hungry, though—do you think you could go back for some more of that soup for me?"

"Sure!  I'll be right back," Finn answered, and paused on his way out to look at Rey and raise his eyebrows.

She shook her head slightly and shrugged again.

"Food, Rey?" he asked, and she brightened. "Yeah, I know, I'll get jelly." He left, and Rey gathered up the chess set to take back to the cabinet. Something was still... _off_...about Poe, but she couldn't tell what. It was distracting. "Are you sure you're alright?" she finally asked.

"I—look, I know you should and Finn should be together!" Poe blurted out. Even BB-8 looked shocked. "Anyone can see it, the way you are with each other, and I'm not—he’s with me for _me_ , not him," he said, looking at his hands. “So if you can promise me you’ll be good to him, I won’t get in the way.”

"I— _what_?" Rey responded, going very still where she stood near the cabinet. Finn was _Poe's_ boyfriend, he very obviously loved him in a way that he did not even approach how he loved her, and that didn't bother her, so long as he was still her friend. "Okay, back up. How did you— _where_ is this coming from, Poe?"

"You love him, don't you?" Poe said.

Rey was slightly distressed. This didn’t make any sense. What if Finn had said something to Poe and he _did_ love her the way Poe said he did? She didn't feel romantically interested in him at all—loved him, sure, in her own way, but not like _that_. "Of course! But _you're_ his boyfriend!"

"Sure I am, but he deserves a shot with someone like you, and you with him. I wouldn't do this if I didn't care about both of you..." Poe still couldn't meet her eyes.

"You're being ridiculous," Rey said, growing a little angry now. "I love him, but I don't ‘ _need_ a shot with him’!" That was a disgusting turn of phrase. She wished Poe would look at her, or maybe give her some idea of what was happening and why. "You're _happy_ , aren't you? Both of you?" What she really wanted to do was shake some sense into him, but that was not an appropriate reaction to most situations here—maybe it had been on Jakku, but it wasn't here—especially with someone who was injured.

"Of course," Poe said, carefully not sitting up, not losing his cool. "I love him. I want the best for him. And you’re the best."

“That’s stupid.” Rey huffed and paced the floor, accustomed to more space when she needed to walk off her frustrations. "He loves you, and I haven’t known you long but you’ve been so kind—to both of us—I think I could love you too, when you’re not saying these strange things.” Why couldn't she make Poe understand that she didn't want to come between them, for both of their sakes—and her own?

The gears in Poe’s head were turning. "So...that's okay with you? He can love both of us? Some sort of polyamorous relationship?" He'd been in a relationship like that before, and it hadn't really worked out well, in the end, but for these two, he would give it another shot. "Okay, so, we could do this all together. All three of us. Together." He was grasping at straws, here: why wasn't she _into_ Finn? Who could possibly not be into Finn? Finn was everyone's type. Did Rey prefer women?

Rey tried to understand where the confusion was between herself and Poe, going quiet for several long moments before she answered. "That's not what I mean, either. I love Finn, I do, but _not_ that way. I don't want to...to sleep with him. He's my best friend, Poe. I'm happy around him, and you, but I’m not interested in either of you like that. Look at me, Poe,” she said, waiting until she had his eye contact before continuing. “I don’t _need_ a boyfriend. Is that clear enough for you?" she asked, trying to tone down the utter frustration in her voice, hoping this would get through to Poe, and that he'd understand before she got really annoyed and got BB-8 to shock him for being dense and annoying.

BB-8 hooted warningly, and Poe settled back. "Not...any boyfriend?" he repeated, deflating wearily. She nodded. "I—and not any girlfriend?" he asked, just to be sure.

“Not for having sex with,” she said, resorting to the clearest, most blunt language she could think of.

“Not…and not, like…someday? Eventually?” Poe said. Lots of people waited until marriage…

“No, not ever.” Her irritated glare looked positively steely now.

Poe might have thought that looked kind of hot, if he didn’t feel quite so stupid.

"Um. Oh."

She just wasn’t interested in…anybody. Not the way Poe defined ‘interested,’ anyway, and now he felt like a narrow-minded hick who was unaware of the female orgasm or something. There was a long silence, during which he blushed and stared at his lap again. Oh, Force, had he screwed this up.

“Poe?” came a voice from the door, and Poe flinched. He was barely getting his head around this bombshell that Rey had dropped, and, thinking back, Poe realized that Finn had been gone a long time, and might have therefore been lingering in the halls and listening to their conversation. Finn’s face gave as much away.

 _Kriff_.

Finn returned to the room to find Poe looking unhappy and Rey looking somewhere between confused and really annoyed. Given what he'd just overheard from the hall, he wasn't overly happy with Poe either, at the moment. But Finn was friendly enough when he walked into the room, touching Rey gently on the shoulder to get her attention. "Can I talk to Poe for a minute?" he asked, and she left the room without a word.

Finn turned back to Poe and frowned. "Do you remember what the General said to you when you yelled at Luke?" he asked evenly.

Poe gulped as Rey gladly bowed out, looking glad to leave Poe to whatever chewing out he was going to get. "Finn—" he began, but Finn spoke too quickly, and he looked down at his lap: "Y-yes," he answered.

"So...why, then, were you arguing _about me_ with Rey as if I can't decide for myself who I do and don't want to be in love with?" Finn recognized where Poe was probably coming from, and he guessed that the argument said more about how Poe felt about himself than how he felt about Finn, but it still stung. "People have been making decisions for me _my whole life_. I've made _maybe_ one important decision ever, and that was deserting. _Let me make my choices_." He watched Poe from across the room, because if he didn't stand across the room, the second Poe started looking upset, he was going to lose all resolve.

Poe’s stomach dropped. He really had screwed this up. "Finn," he said, wincing as he sat up, swinging his legs around to the side of the bed, and getting up without thinking. "No, Finn, that’s not what I meant—" he said, dragging himself to his feet and going as far as the tubes in his wrists allowed. "Stars, Finn, look at me," he begged. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought—" You _didn't_ think, Dameron, as usual. "I wanted to—make sure you were—but it doesn't matter because I had everything wrong, anyway. Finn, please look at me. I’m so sorry. I was wrong and I’m sorry."

Finn was definitely going to lose most of his resolve anyway. Poe sounded sincere, and when Finn looked at him, Poe looked as upset as Finn had been listening to him argue with Rey. "I know _why_ you were doing it, and that you're worried I won't know the best for me." It wasn't exactly an unfair assumption, either. Finn sighed, trying to figure out how to say what he needed to say. "Look—sometimes I will make stupid decisions and sometimes you'll stop me from making stupid decisions, but I have to _learn_." He put his hands on Poe's shoulders and very gently steered him back toward the bed. "But this isn't one of those decisions you get to make for me. I love you, and I'm going to keep doing that, no matter whether you think I should or not," he said with a small smile. "And sometimes I'm going to stop you from making stupid decisions, too, like trying to walk around when you're recovering from a blaster wound. Just as an example, not that you'd ever do that," he added with a soft laugh as he pushed Poe back to sit on the bed.

"I...shit," Poe said, looking around at himself, as if unsure how he’d gotten there, and he let Finn guide him back into bed. "Finn, oh stars and heavens, Finn, I didn't mean to—I didn't think. I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry. I thought I would—I thought she would be better for you—and—and she _is_ , she would be, but, Finn, I know this is your own decision. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry for making it seem like it wasn't. I was taking away your choice and that’s no better than what the First Order did to you, and I’m sorry." He grasped Finn's hand, squeezing it desperately. "I'm _yours_ , Finn. As long as you choose me, I'm yours." He swallowed carefully. "I love you. I'm so sorry. I do _want_ you to choose me," he added in a small voice.

"Well, good, then we agree," Finn said, squeezing Poe's hand back. "I chose you the moment you asked my name, for the record," he added, resting his head against Poe's. "Or maybe when you took out all those TIEs and the stormtroopers from Black One. At the latest. Don't think I knew that's what I was doing, but I worked it out," he said, and shrugged, and kissed the top of Poe’s head. "Anyway. Are you still hungry? I did bring you soup. And I brought Rey jelly, if she's haunting the door the way I think she is..."

Poe laughed, and grabbed Finn's collar to pull him into a kiss. "I don't deserve you," he whispered, but this time it was fond and not too self-deprecating, and he sighed and relaxed back into his bed. "Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Please, get her back in here, I don’t deserve her, either, and I owe her an apology, too," he said, pulling the blanket up over his legs again.

Rey, to her credit, was further down the hall, her mind replaying the conversation with Poe rather against her will. It might take her a long time to ever fully understand the extent to which they talked past one another, and she wondered if it was worth another go. She hoped not! How was it, again, that _Poe_ was the one who'd had a relatively 'normal' upbringing, and seemed so—insecure? But she padded back immediately when Finn called her name, and managed a smile. "Everyone all right?"

"Yes—Rey, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me—I was trying to decide what was best for everyone, but I am super high on painkillers so everyone should just forget how much of an idiot I am, please?" Poe blurted out all at once.

"I think I can do that," Rey answered, and put her hand on Poe's foot to give it a reassuring squeeze through the blankets. Then she looked at Finn. "You brought food?" she asked, happy to change the subject to something innocuous.  He laughed and handed her a box in response, before handing Poe a container of soup and a spoon.

"I love you," Poe said wearily, too weak with relief to even eat his soup. "Love you both." Poe could amuse himself just watching them eat, reminding them which sauces went best with each foods. "I'm a pretty lucky guy," he said, half to himself, and all right, maybe painkillers were actually to blame here, because he felt loopy and tired.

"I—” Rey paused, thinking, and decided what she’d been about to say was true: when Poe wasn’t suffering from misplaced overprotection and a self-destructive sense of loyalty, she thought she might love him. “I love you, too. Both of you," Rey said, and Finn, who had his mouth full, looked at her in surprise before nodding emphatically in agreement.

"You're lucky, we're lucky—there’s a lot of that going around," he laughed when he'd finished chewing.

Poe smiled gratefully and started in on his soup. "Let me watch you play chess," he said, eventually, settling back, finding the controls on the bed and easing it down slightly.

"She keeps beating me..." Finn grumbled as Rey bounded over to the cabinet and got the chess set back out.

"That's not true, we tied that one time," she told him gleefully, and he snorted. Rey set the board up this time, laying it across Poe's knees again. He was glad he didn’t have to admit aloud how much he liked that.


	5. Chapter 5

They were still playing an hour later when there was a knock at the door and Dr. Kalonia stuck her head in and caught Finn's eye. He froze defensively, like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"Finn, could you see me in my office?" She asked, and left again.

Poe took his hand. "She probably wants to ask about the nightmares," he said quietly. "Tell her the truth, it'll be fine." He hoped. Dr. Kalonia could remove them both from the field with one report, of course, which made this beyond nerve-wracking.

Finn sighed and stood carefully so he wouldn't jostle the chess game. "I'll bet you you can't beat Poe by the time I get back," he said to Rey with a grin and then went out and down the hall to Dr. Kalonia's office. He stood outside the door for a moment, trying to convince himself that this was not as worrying as facing Captain Phasma—except it was, in a way, because now he actually had something to _lose_.

"Come in, Finn. I was thinking we should have a little chat about your mental and emotional health," she said, inviting him to sit in a plush chair across from her desk.

"The nightmares? I haven't had one recently." The truth, Poe had said, though. "A bad one, I mean."  He had nightmares fairly regularly—but he hadn't had one so bad he'd woken up swinging since that time he'd hit Poe. There were the panic attacks sometimes, sure, he thought as he sat down, but those were better than they had been, too. He could stop them before they got bad, a lot of the time.

"I know you may not believe me, but night terrors are a perfectly normal and even common problem for our soldiers, and I shudder to think how much worse it must be for someone who served the First Order." She gave him an attempt at a smile. "So relax. You're not in trouble, and our conversation is strictly confidential. Unless I have to, I don't even like to file official reports for this kind of thing. It's fair to let you know that if I must fill out a report, your fitness for battle will need to be reevaluated. That's why I'm here, to keep you and those under your command safe." She settled. "Can you tell me how often you get these nightmares?"

"Which ones?" Finn asked carefully: "I have nightmares once or twice a week, unless it's a bad week." Those frequently woke him up, but not for very long. He'd startle awake with his heart beating too hard, confused where he was at first. Usually he didn't even wake Poe, just took deep breaths until his heart calmed down and fell back to sleep. Very occasionally, he'd reach out and take one of Poe's hands, and that would help him fall back to sleep. "I only had the one where I punched Poe the once. That hasn't happened again."

Dr. Kalonia nodded and wrote something down. "Could you describe your relationship with Commander Dameron?" She looked up. "I'm sorry to ask this, but it's not to gossip. It's part of the evaluation."

Finn frowned a little uncomfortably. "He's my best friend? And my boyfriend. We sleep in the same bed...but we haven't had sex, if that's what you're asking," he answered. It was a bit embarrassing having this conversation with Dr. Kalonia, of all people.

Dr. Kalonia nodded, keeping her face carefully neutral. "I was going to ask that, yes. Do you think it might be better for either of you to try a different sleeping arrangement?"

"No!" Finn answered quickly, and then realized he'd probably answered a little too quickly. "Um.  I think... I think the nightmares would get worse," Finn said. "If I stayed in the same room it might be okay. Never really slept all alone," he explained. He'd been alright when Rey was there the previous night, for the few hours of sleep he'd had. But he _liked_ sleeping next to Poe.

"Okay, don't worry. I was just asking. Sometimes the presence of a friend or loved one helps." She would ask Dameron about this bloody nose incident. "When you're awake, though, no problems?" She asked, moving onto the other topic she expected would be more difficult.

Finn looked down at the floor and briefly considered whether or not he should tell the doctor about the panic attacks. There was a good chance she'd find out anyway, one way or another. He enjoyed training recruits and leading his small squadron of ground troops, but he was also responsible for their well-being, especially in battle. It might be best for them if he admitted the panic attacks, rather than pretending they didn't exist. He grated his teeth a little in frustration before answering.  "I've been able to handle them," he said in a quiet grumble.

"Them?" Dr Kalonia looked up. "These are...panic attacks?"

"That's what Poe calls them," Finn answered. "They're not _that_ bad." Usually, anyway. Some were worse than others, he admitted to himself, but none of the bad ones had happened during a battle.

 "Can you describe them? And what triggers them?" Dr Kalonia pressed.

Finn shrugged one shoulder. "My heart beats really fast, and I have trouble breathing, sometimes.  Or I breathe too fast. I get...stuck?" he said, trying to figure out how to explain the feeling of being stuck in his own head. "Everything is too loud and too bright. I can stop them if I have something to focus on, but if I can't I just...I get stuck." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't ever know what will trigger them. I panicked that time I was here and you wouldn't let me sit up, and the time I hit Poe, and almost during that raid. After the raid, because of my back. Almost when Poe got hurt, and after I got him back here," he tried to remember any other times. "Oh. My first battle, when my friend got shot, and after that, before I broke Poe out and we escaped." He continued staring at the floor, concerned what he would see on the doctor's face if he looked up.

Dr. Kalonia made a note of these, nodding carefully. "I'm sure you agree that anything that undermines your ability to command in the field is especially concerning," she said, putting her pen down. (She wrote these things on paper so if she didn't want to file them officially, she didn't have to.) "Panic attacks like the ones you describe are not your fault, as I hope Poe has told you, and they are not due to lack of bravery. You're a soldier, and a human, no matter what the First Order perhaps wanted you to think about yourself. If we have regular meetings like this we might teach you how to cope with them, or reduce their likelihood of happening." She reviewed something on a computer screen and then stared at Finn narrowly. "Do you believe you are fit for command in your present state?"

"I have never had a panic attack while actually in battle...only after," Finn told the doctor after thinking seriously for several moments. "Does this mean I have to come back and talk about the panic attacks…again?" he asked. It wasn't that he had anything against Dr. Kalonia, but he enjoyed discussions like this precisely as much as the next person.

Dr. Kalonia smiled softly. "I'll tell you what. You come talk to me a few more times, and I'll throw these notes in the trash compactor. I trust you to tell me if you need to be relieved of command, even temporarily," she added with firm intensity. "Finn—fear is not the problem. Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. I think you already know that."

Talking to the doctor a few times was infinitely preferable to being relieved of duty, even if it did mean talking about the panic attacks. "Thank you, doctor. I'll tell you if any of it gets worse," he said, although he hoped it wouldn't come to that.  He smiled at her and stood to go. "Could I...am I free to go?" he asked politely, trying not to sound too eager.

She nodded. "You might try talking to Poe and Rey, as well, if they want to and if you want to. It's clear you and Poe have—something—and I'm glad I could speak to you first." She wasn't exactly looking forward to having a similar conversation with Commander Dameron, but he might surprise her. "Go on, go on. We'll do the same time next week?"

"I'll tell BB-8 and they'll remind me if I forget. Or if I try to 'forget'," Finn said with a laugh. The little droid would be unlikely to let him get away with anything shifty like accidentally on purpose missing an appointment.

Dr. Kalonia nodded, smiling. "Sure," she said, and shooed him out.


	6. Chapter 6

Poe and Rey were still locked in a stalemate, as both worked devious strategies and neither was willing to give up more than one or two pieces. Poe was technically winning—probably—but they got chatty in between moves, which dragged it out even longer. Poe beamed, however, as Finn returned, sitting up, curious. "Hey, bud. Everything go all right?" he asked, hopefully not pressing too much, but opening his arms so that Finn would slot against him for a hug.

"Yeah, just have to talk to her about the panic attacks. And the nightmares. She didn't relieve me from command," he told Poe as he walked over to see how the game had progressed and to give Poe a hug. He sat down on the edge of the bed and gave the board a critical look. "Y'know, Rey, if you sacrifice that piece there, you can take his piece there," he said, pointing out a series of maneuvers.

Rey looked at him and then batted his hand away. "Or I could not do that and just be patient," she responded.

"We keep gabbing," Poe explained with a grin, stupidly relieved that Dr. Kalonia hadn't mandated anything more severe than a few appointments—which, okay, the nightmares needed to be dealt with. _And you get to meet with her tomorrow,_ he reminded himself. "I'm glad for you. And Dr. K's good people," Poe told him, leaning up to kiss Finn's chin.

Rey coughed and grinned. "Back to the game? I'm pretty sure I'm winning."

"I'm pretty sure you're tied," Finn told Rey, and she rolled her eyes at him and then proceeded to start taking Poe's pieces one by one, losing very few of her own in the process. By the time the game was over, though, she'd massacred Poe's side and grinned at both of them. They sat and talked for a while, Poe and Rey about starships and Finn mostly just being quiet and listening, and Rey eventually went to get them all dinner. When they'd all grown tired, Rey started fidgeting with the chair that turned into a bed, BB-8 came back from presumably talking to R2 and rolled over to the wall socket with a quiet, happy little chirp, and Finn curled up next to Poe again.

They all slept late the next morning, with no interruptions overnight for nightmares.

Poe woke feeling fantastic, probably because he and Finn were curled around each other and Rey was right there and it wasn't even weird. He tried not waking up all the way, hoping they might let them stay here, but he couldn't keep up the charade when Finn started kissing him awake and Rey threw a pillow at them because it was too early for "smooching noises."

Poe was really looking forward to a refresher when Dr. Kalonia finally made her way to the recovery room, and Poe submitted to her inspection and a few more tests, quite meekly if he said so himself—he _was_ trying!

"All right, I'll leave you get dressed and you can meet me in my office before you leave," she said, and Poe felt his stomach tighten, though he forced a smile.

"Sure," he said, though when she had gone he made a face.

Finn tossed some clean clothes that he ran and collected from their room onto Poe's bed after the Doctor had left. "She's good people, remember?" he said, and then followed Rey into the hall so Poe could change. They both leaned against the wall and waited for Poe to get dressed.

Poe considered asking Finn to stay, but that was an entirely separate issue and had nothing to do with anything remotely clinical, and he should probably bring it up some other time. He was a bit stiff and feeling weak, and the bandages would need changing for another week or so, but otherwise he felt like a new man. There was a small mirror in the bathroom where he washed his face and fixed his hair—he wanted to look _good_ even if he had plans to get in the refresher the second he tasted freedom—and grinned at his friends as he exited, BB-8 in tow. "Well, I gotta talk to the principal," he joked, "and then I want to go to my own refresher, so you guys don't have to wait? Could meet you in our room or—mess hall? Somewhere."

Finn looked over at Rey, who shrugged. "We could get food and take it to your room," she suggested.

Poe held up a hand. “Hey. Let’s just start calling it our room, okay? Seriously,” he said, and gave them a blinding grin.  

"You just want to play holochess. You're addicted," Finn said to her, and she grinned brightly, not denying it. "Room it is. No getting in trouble," he said to Poe.

Poe shrugged. "Hey, it's me," he said, but added a kiss to the smirk—for each of them—and then was marching toward Dr. Kalonia's office before he could lose his nerve.

She had paper, and the computer didn’t look on. That was...promising. It looked slightly safer. "You wanted to see me, Doctor?" he said, standing at attention.

"Sit down, Dameron, before you hurt yourself standing like that," Dr. Kalonia said dryly, nodding to the chair across from her. "I have a feeling you know why you're in here, but I'll tell you anyway: you're not in trouble, and no one else hears about this unless they absolutely must. If I decide someone else does need to hear about it, we can take it from there." She gave him a stern look.  "But mostly, this is to make sure you're alright."

Poe softened a bit—Dr. Kalonia really _was_ a good person—and he sat gingerly. BB-8 tucked themselves under his chair, which was a comfort. "Thank you. I—I’m fine, now—thanks to you. Must've been a reaction to the, ah, sedatives, you know, when I woke up and—and stress, right? Skywalker coming back, and I don't mind telling you I really almost fucked things up between Finn and me and Rey and Finn and Rey and me..." Poe babbled, because talking was the only way he could cover up lying (and even then...). "And I want to thank you, for putting up with me and patching me up. I know I need to be better, I just don't like sitting still, you know?"

The doctor let Poe ramble on until he decided to stop talking, taking a few notes as he talked, but mostly just letting him get it out of his system. "Dameron, I think Wookiees living in remote places near the Outer Rim are aware you don't like sitting still," she said, smiling. "And you are correct that some of what happened is probably stress-related. That's partially why we're talking," she told him, and paused again to see if he was going to chatter some more.

The fact that she was seeing through his ploy made him pursue it more doggedly, though he did laugh at the joke. "Hey, watch it. Can't make those jokes anymore, have to be politically correct. I know some pretty smart Wookiees from the Outer Rim!" he said, just to be cheeky, and he leaned back in the chair, partially to ease his back, but more to give the impression that he was relaxed. "And, so yeah, I'm fine. I—I mean, you were here when I got back from Jakku and the _Finalizer_ , so you know better than me—" Damn it, this was _helping_ her case, "I mean, ah, you gave me a psych eval then and said I was fit for duty so—" _No Take-Backsies_? "so I'm only getting better, you know. Got a boyfriend. Doing _tons_ better, actually." He grinned smugly.

This was turning out to be a lot easier than she'd thought it might be. Poe was practically _giving_ her what she needed without her ever having to ask. "Yes, I've heard. How's that going? I heard you got an elbow to the face," she prompted.

Poe grinned. "Yeah, I—no, wait," he corrected. "It wasn't like that! He—I mean, you talked to him, he gets like, I mean, you try being raised by the First Order and be a fully functioning normal adult!" he protested, voice a little shrill. "Nose wasn't broken, I've hurt myself worse on recoil from holding a heavy blaster like a jackass. Mostly—I mean, all the time—I’m able to calm him down. He's okay. It would never effect his battlefield abilities." For the first time, Poe was deadly serious.

"I trust you. I trust Finn, as well, to let me know if the situation changes," Dr. Kalonia reassured Poe. She decided they might not work their way around to the questions she needed answered quite this way. "And what about you? Have you had night terrors before this past one?" she asked.

Poe coughed. He was painfully aware that BB-8 was sitting beneath him, ready to give her precise statistics, apparently, if he wasn't honest. "Um—I guess. I have. Since the _Finalizer_." He could feel himself getting surly, so he didn't add anything. She didn't deserve what he _wanted_ to say.

She could see Poe getting tense as soon as he started responding, and considered what she could say to him. She was aware of what Kylo Ren had forced him to do, in giving up BB-8's location, and had some inkling that he was still beating himself up about it. "What happened on the _Finalizer_ was not your fault," she told him, hoping this time he'd actually believe her.

"I _know_ it wasn't!" Poe said, hitting the arm of the chair and startling BB-8, which made him feel awful. "Sorry," he said, glowering at something on her desk. "Look, I know it wasn't. I've been trained for this. I know torture isn't a reliable means of extracting information, and I didn't give them anything when they were using my face as a punching bag." He took a deep breath. "Kylo Ren is just—it was fucked up, okay? I _knew_ him, once. But I'm fine. _It doesn't help to talk about it_ ," he growled.

Dr. Kalonia blinked when Poe hit the arm of his chair, but otherwise she didn't react. He was really doing an admirable job of pretending to be just fine, she would give him that. "My intention is not to upset you, Poe, or to ground you, or take Black One away from you. But you must also _deal_ with these things, as I believe Rey may have said to both you and your boyfriend."

"There's nothing to deal with, please. I'm perfectly capable of flying, and I—if I weren’t fit to command, _of course I wouldn’t_ —but if you take my squadron away from me—" Poe growled, beginning to shake. It was irrational, he knew—she had just said she wouldn't ground him—but then it wasn't. His sometime friend had literally rooted around in and fucked his brain with his psychotic evil wizard powers, and had taken information he held dearer than his life from him, and he was currently in love with someone inextricably linked with all of that. _Maybe you should be grounded_ , a weak part of him whispered. _You have no business being in command of one X-Wing, much less than the entire Resistance Fleet._ It sounded like Kylo Ren’s voice. "Please," he suddenly blurted out. "I—they mean more to me than anything. I won't let Kylo Ren or anyone—in—like that, again, I _promise_."

_It wasn’t my fault…_

"I am _not_ taking your squadron away from you unless I—or you—truly feel that leaving you in command will put all of you in danger. And given that the survival rates of pilots under your command are consistently much higher than I think any Commander since Wedge Antilles, and that this has not changed since the _Finalizer_ , I don't see that being a problem right now," Dr. Kalonia told Poe, finally realizing that it wasn't betraying the Resistance that was so bothering Dameron, but fear of having his squadron taken away from him—or maybe more that he was unfit to lead them. "Unless it appears to me that you are incapable of making decisions regarding your fitness to command, the decision to do so is all yours." She let that sink in for a moment, and then added: "So do you have any concerns about your ability to command your pilots?"

Poe felt his face grow hot and he stiffened, awed by the trust she was giving him—and comforted by it, somewhat, as the panic abated into something like embarrassment. "Okay, okay," he said, getting his head around the fact that no one was taking his command away, no one was taking Black One away. He leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees, and looked her in the eye for the first time. "No, none. I love them and I wouldn't put them in danger. If I wasn't fit for command I _swear_ to you, I wouldn't fly."

Dr. Kalonia had thought that was probably the case—Poe would sooner put his own life on the line than his pilots' lives. "Then I have no concerns about your ability to command," she told him.  "However, I do have other concerns. While the night terrors _are_ normal—and I know you know that—they should still be dealt with. How often do they happen?" She still needed to ask him the questions she'd asked Finn, but maybe now he would trust her not to take his ships and pilots away if he gave her the 'wrong' answer.

Poe sighed resignedly, carding his hands through his hair. "I don't know. It was happening—maybe two nights a week? Before—um—" Here he blushed scarlet. "Okay, I swear I'm not making this up, BB-8 will confirm this—the nightmares are really not so bad when Finn's in bed with me, okay? I know that sounds stupid. Like a lot less. Tell her, Bee."

A hooting from beneath the chair gave her the numbers—64% to 17%—which, okay, two-thirds was a lot more than two nights per week, but maybe BB-8 was counting ones that didn't wake him up.

"That's...impressive. What is your relationship like, then?" she asked as she noted the numbers BB-8 had given her on her notepad.

Poe gave a dreamy sigh, and this time he actually relaxed. "Oh, he's great," he said. "I mean, you've met him. He's so strong and so gentle, it's hard to think he was ever—that the First Order had any impression on him at all. And he’s funny! Maker, he cracks me up, and I wonder how he got such a sense of humor working with bucketheads all the time." He glanced down at BB-8 as if for support. "We—do a lot together. It might be a little codependent. I don't know. I'm his first—everything! And that's a hell of a responsibility. His face, the way it lights up when he tastes a new food he likes, it's just—and me and Chewie taught him how to play chess and—you know he and Rey have never flown a _kite_ before? Don't tell them, that's my plan for the afternoon, if it's still windy. I'm also like 99% sure he's a virgin and…I might be nervous about that?"

Dr. Kalonia wrote a note on her paper: to calm Poe Dameron down, ask him about Finn. She smiled. "Have you talked about that?" she asked, remembering Finn's apparent nervousness when she'd asked him about his relationship with Poe.

"Um—sort of, yeah. We should talk again, but I don't want to screw it up." His eyes sparkled: "Was maybe going to ask him to get in the refresher with me—or is that too much information? Please, just tell me when to stop," he laughed and winked and settled back in the chair, feeling almost himself again.

"I would much sooner you give me too much information, rather than not enough," Dr. Kalonia said. "And I'm glad that you're communicating with Finn. Don't stop doing that." She tapped her pen on her paper. "Could you tell me about the night terrors? What about them is so upsetting, and if you've noticed anything that makes them more likely to occur?"

Poe frowned, but, point to Dr, Kalonia, he wasn't defensive this time. "I don't know what triggers them. Maybe—this is going to sound stupid—maybe it was Skywalker showing back up. He has the same powers as Kylo Ren, if he _wanted_ to he could just—kriffing—get into my head too. I know he wouldn't, but he _could_ , and that—I don’t know." He folded his arms across his chest. "I just—Kylo Ren was really fucking terrifying, and it doesn't help that he and I used to be—” _Oh Maker he wasn’t going to have to admit_ that _to her, was he?_ “and—and _I couldn't fight him_. That's what scares me. That's—that’s why you can't take me out of the sky. I _need_ to fight him."

“No one is going to take you out of the sky, Commander Dameron,” Dr. Kalonia reminded him gently, and wrote down a few more notes before looking back up at Poe. "I think that's a perfectly reasonable explanation for your anxiety. Is that going to be a problem, considering Rey's abilities?" she asked. Poe had, after all, reacted poorly to Rey trying to help him before Finn had stepped in.

Poe shook his head with a fond smile. "No, no, she's different, she's—" but he _had_ reacted badly to her abilities, and— "Oh, gods, maybe that's why I was such a—a bastard to her!" he said, and leapt to his feet to pace. "Fuck. I was—I can't believe it. I thought she was going to—I thought Finn would leave me for her and I'm sure I was only...worried about... _that_." He chewed on a knuckle. "I'll talk to her, too. Such an idiot!" He realized, suddenly, that he had stood, his legs about ready to bolt, and he forced himself to sit.

"We all make mistakes, Commander," Dr. Kalonia said gently. "Try not to be so hard on yourself."

Poe worried at the inside of his lip. "Can I go now? I—I’d really like to talk to her. To them. I want to—I don't care if I never see Skywalker again," (that was a lie) "but I can't let Rey frighten me. Maybe then Ren won't—scare me."

Dr. Kalonia nodded toward the door. "Yes, you may go. Come back next week after Finn talks to me—you’re still not in trouble, but I do want to continue to talk to you." She shuffled her notes and put them in her desk drawer. "But for now, go talk to Finn and Rey. Take care of each other."

Poe grinned and leapt up, almost too vigorously, but he stopped at the door.  "Thanks, Doctor—I know it's your job, but—thanks." With a last smile he went off, practically skipping, with BB-8 at his heels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are obviously Canon Divergent on a few things from Poe's past that we should address, as in "Before the Awakening" Poe explicitly meets Leia for the first time as an adult. We wanted to explore the dynamic of Poe's parents being quite close to the Organa-Solos and Poe and Ben growing up together (spending summers together, perhaps). It's important what Kylo Ren lost/gave up when he turned to the Dark Side. Also, Poe and Leia as surrogates for the other's loss of mother and son, respectively, gives us life.
> 
> The second moral of this story is no matter how enlightened or sex positive you think you are, you can still make an ass of yourself when your friend comes out to you as asexual.


End file.
